Facing Our Journey

Grief is one of life’s most profound challenges. It touches every corner of our lives, especially when the loss affects the ones we love most, our children and grandchildren. I am a grandmother of four girls, three of whom lost their mother suddenly in 2020 during the height of COVID-19. She passed from a seizure, and to this day, we don’t know what triggered it. That loss shattered our world.

The past four years have been a journey none of us could have prepared for. The girls are being raised by their dad, my son. They are now 16, 11, and 7 years old. On the outside, they seem to be doing well; good grades, friendships, and activities. But as their grandmother, I know there is an internal battle. I know there are strong emotions and deep pain still attached to the loss of their mother.

How do I know this? Because even as a grown woman who lost her own mother in 2012, I still wrestle with my grief. I still have moments when I long for her wisdom, her guidance, her voice. I still feel the sting of promises we made but never fulfilled. If I, as an adult, struggle to navigate that kind of loss, I can only imagine the journey my granddaughters are on.

And I grieve for my son, too. He lost the mother of his children, his fiancée, suddenly, and without time to prepare. Overnight, he had to step into the role of full-time father to three young girls while carrying his own heartbreak.

This journey has been one of love, frustration, and learning. And as I write this, I’m speaking to grandparents like me; grandparents who are also stepping into the role of a parent. It is not an easy road, but it is one we walk out of love.

The Layers of Grief

Grief is complicated. It doesn’t have a timeline. It’s not a wound that just heals with time. It comes in waves, sometimes when you least expect it. For children, grief is especially hard. They are still figuring out how the world works, how to make sense of something as big as loss.

I see my granddaughters go through life’s milestones, growing up, starting puberty, dealing with friends and schoolwork, and I wonder how much of what they feel is colored by their grief. At times, it feels impossible to separate what is “normal” childhood behavior from what might be an expression of their pain.

I reflect on my own grief often. Losing my mother was one of the hardest moments of my life. I still miss her presence. The pain hasn’t disappeared; it has just changed. That’s how I know my granddaughters carry pain, too, even if they don’t always say it out loud.

The Role of a Grandparent in the Shadow of Loss

As grandparents, our role is so much bigger when loss hits the family. We are not just the people who give extra hugs or bake cookies. We are part of the emotional scaffolding holding everything together. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

The hardest part is striking the balance. You want to support your grandchildren emotionally, but you also have to guide them through life. That means navigating discipline, setting boundaries, and dealing with all the ups and downs of childhood and adolescence. And let me tell you; teens and preteens? They are not easy!

The attitudes, the frustration, the emotional highs and lows—it’s a lot to manage. And sometimes, I forget that their behavior might stem from their grief, not just “typical” teenage struggles. I have made mistakes. I have gotten frustrated when I should not have. I have overreacted. And I realize that it is okay.

Let me say this to other grandparents walking this road: You are going to make mistakes. You are not going to get it right all the time. And you have to know that is okay, too.

Lessons Learned in Love and Patience

If there is one thing I have learned, it’s that being a grandparent in this situation requires an endless well of patience. Some days, you will feel like you are doing everything wrong. Other days, you will feel like you are barely holding it together. And in between, you will have moments of joy, laughter, and love that remind you why you are here.

It is important to remember that we are grieving, too. Even if we didn’t lose the same person, we are grieving for what our grandchildren lost. We are grieving for the family dynamic that was shattered. And that grief can cloud our judgment at times.

The key is grace. Grace for yourself, grace for your grandchildren, and grace for the journey.

Questions Without Answers

One of the hardest parts of this journey is the unanswered questions. I wonder how my granddaughters make sense of their loss. Do they worry about losing their father, too? Do they wonder what would happen if something happened to me? Those questions weigh heavily on my heart.

But as much as I wish I could give them all the answers, I know that is not my role. My role is to show up, to love them, to be present.

A Journey of Imperfect Love

If you are a grandparent in a similar situation, I want you to know this: It is okay to not have all the answers. It is okay to feel overwhelmed. It is okay to make mistakes.

This journey is filled with love and joy, but it’s also filled with pain and sadness. What matters most is that you are there. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be present.

Grief does not go away, but healing is possible. And in the meantime, your love will be the light your grandchildren need to keep going.

Grief is not something any of us should walk through alone. If you or your family are navigating the complexities of loss, I encourage you to seek out the resources below or connect with a support group in your area. Healing takes time, but help is available.

Resources for Grandparents and Families Coping with Grief

1. The Dougy Center-The National Grief Center for Children & Families, Website: www.dougy.org

• Offers support, education, and tools for families, including grandparents helping children navigate grief. Resources include articles, podcasts, and support group directories.

2. The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG), Website: www.childrengrieve.org

• Provides resources specifically for children and their caregivers, including guides for understanding how grief manifests at different ages.

3. AARP Grandparenting Resource Center, Website: www.aarp.org/family/grandparenting

• Includes advice and articles specifically for grandparents raising grandchildren, touching on everything from grief to discipline to building resilience.

4. Sesame Street in Communities: Grief, Website: www.sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/grief

• A gentle, child-focused resource that provides videos, activities, and conversation guides for helping children process grief in an age-appropriate way.

5. GriefShare, Website: www.griefshare.org

• A support group network for grieving families. Many locations offer groups tailored to different family members, including grandparents.

Books for Adults and Grandparents

• “Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World” by Kristen Welch – Offers advice on raising children in challenging circumstances.

• “Raising Grandkids” by Harriet Hodgson – Written specifically for grandparents who have taken on the parenting role after loss or trauma.

Crisis and Grief Counseling Services

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988

Available 24/7 for anyone experiencing a crisis, including those who are grieving and feeling overwhelmed.

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Offers free support via text for individuals in need of immediate emotional help.

Local Faith-Based Grief Ministries

Many local churches and faith organizations offer grief counseling and support groups. Consider reaching out to local places of worship for programs tailored to families, grandparents, or children.

Therapists Specializing in Grief and Family Counseling

• Search for licensed therapists in your area on platforms like Psychology Today, and filter by those who specialize in family counseling and grief.

Closing Thoughts

As grandparents, navigating the journey of grief alongside your grandchildren is no easy task. It requires patience, love, and a deep well of resilience. There will be days of joy and laughter, and days where the weight of loss feels heavier than ever. Through it all, remember that your presence, even in its imperfections, is a gift.

Lean on your village, seek out resources, and give yourself grace. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to carry the love and the loss in a way that brings hope to each new day.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. Let’s continue to show up for our families, one step at a time.