Facing Our Journey

There is constant conversation about generations: Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z and endless comparisons between them. Who had it harder? Who adapted better to change? How did they discipline their children or approach education? These debates often devolve into blame, with younger generations frequently at the center of criticism.

But here is a question we rarely ask: Who raised these younger generations? Their values, behaviors, and ways of seeing the world didn’t develop in isolation. They were shaped by the generations that came before them. Instead of solely blaming young people for their struggles, we need to reflect on the environments and examples we have provided as adults.

I work with high school and college-aged youth every day, and I have encountered some of the most caring, resilient, and hard-working young people you could imagine. Yet, I constantly hear adults bashing this generation for how they show up in the world. It’s disheartening because these critiques often miss the opportunity to understand, mentor, and guide.

The Truth: There is Nothing New Under the Sun

Every generation has faced challenges. Drug use, crime, protests, and societal change are not new phenomena, they have just taken on different forms. Baby Boomers fought for civil rights and protested wars. Gen X shaped pop culture and navigated the rise of technology. Millennials and Gen Z are vocal about mental health, equity, and social justice.

What’s remarkable is that young people today are more open and transparent about their struggles. They speak openly about mental health, advocate for themselves, and push for change. These are strengths, not weaknesses. Yet, instead of celebrating these qualities, society often views them as flaws.

Who Raised Them? A Mirror to Our Influence

Let us not forget where children learn their first lessons about life; it is their home. Their earliest experiences of love, conflict, communication, and even bullying often come from their families. For better or worse, parents, grandparents, and guardians are children’s first teachers.

If we see young people struggling with respect, communication, or relationships, we have to ask: What examples did they grow up watching? Children absorb everything, the good, the bad, and the toxic. They learn how to handle conflict by watching the adults in their lives. They learn how to navigate relationships from the dynamics they see at home.

We often create unsafe environments for our children to grow up in. Some parents stay in unhealthy relationships and then wonder why their children gravitate toward toxic friendships and romantic partners. Others change partners as if they’re changing their underwear and are shocked when their children grow up feeling lost or dysfunctional.

Children learn what they live. When your child witnesses a partner verbally or physically abusing you, you are sending an unspoken message: This is acceptable behavior. You are teaching them that love and abuse can coexist, and they carry that lesson into their own relationships.

On the flip side, some parents are so focused on being their child’s friend that they fail to create boundaries or standards. Parenting requires leadership, guidance, and intentionality. Friendships can come later, but a solid foundation of respect, discipline, and accountability is what can help shape a child into a functional adult.

Breaking the Cycle: My Personal Journey

I know this truth firsthand. Years ago, I was in an abusive marriage. It was a toxic relationship filled with verbal and physical violence. My oldest child may not have seen the physical abuse, but he heard the shouting and felt the tension. That environment was not what I wanted for him, so one day, I made the decision to leave.

I packed our bags and moved to a new place while my partner was out of town. He did not know where we went, and I made a commitment to myself that my children: they would never witness me in a toxic relationship again. I Kept That Promise!

That decision changed my life and theirs. My two youngest children never experienced the chaos that my oldest did. But I still carried guilt for the time my oldest spent in that environment. Over the years, I have worked to heal, to be a better mother, and to break the cycle of toxicity. It was not easy, but it was necessary.

Breaking cycles requires intentional work. It means taking a hard look at your behaviors, healing from past traumas, and choosing to model healthier ways of living. It’s not easy, but it is worth it.

The Mental Health Crisis: Young People in Survival Mode

Today, I see so many young people struggling with anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. They’re living in survival mode, constantly in fight, flight, or freeze. Some of this is rooted in biology, but much of it stems from the environments they have grown up in.

How can we expect our children to thrive if they have grown up with a front row seat, watching toxic relationships, unresolved conflicts, or neglect? They are carrying the weight of what they have seen and experienced. And now, more than ever, they need support, not judgment.

A Call to Action: Mentor, Guide, Serve

As adults, we have a choice. We can criticize and blame young people for their behavior, or we can step up to mentor, guide, and serve them. Our young people need us to be better examples. They need us to model healthy communication, respect, and love.

If we want to see change in the next generation, we have to start with ourselves. Ask yourself:

• How am I modeling healthy conflict resolution?

• What examples am I setting in relationships and communication for my children?

• Am I creating a safe environment where my children feel seen and supported?

Young people are not the enemy, they are the current and future. And it is our responsibility to equip them with the tools they need to succeed.

Resources for Counseling and Support

Breaking cycles is not work we can do alone. Seeking support through counseling and family programs can be transformative. Here are some resources to help:

• National Parent Helpline: (1-855-427-2736) A resource for parents looking for emotional support and guidance.

• Family Therapy Programs: Search for licensed family therapists in your area using directories like Psychology Today or the National Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT).

• Community Centers: Many local organizations and churches offer parenting workshops, support groups, and mentorship programs for families.

• Mental Health America: Visit their website for mental health resources, including services for children and families (www.mhanational.org).

Overcoming generational cycles is challenging, yet the rewards make it worthwhile. The work starts with us, our healing, our accountability, and our commitment to being better for the next generation. Let’s stop blaming young people for the struggles we have passed down and build a community and future where they can thrive.

As a village, we can mentor, guide, and love this generation into greatness. Because at the end of the day, they are not just “THIS generation.” They are also OUR generation.