Facing Our Journey

In 2022, our families life changed forever when my father passed away unexpectedly. For months leading up to his passing, I noticed small shifts and changes that showed us he needed more support. My dad was fiercely independent, and I never imagined the day would come when he wouldn’t be here.

It’s strange, isn’t it? We know death is inevitable, you are born into the world and you die to exit the world, but somehow, we look at our parents—their strength, their presence and believe they will always be there. My father was that pillar in our family.

My parents came to this country young, built a life together, and established a legacy. My dad worked for MIT for many years, becoming a familiar face in his community. He was loved by so many and I never met a colleague of his that did not speak highly of his work ethic and friendship. My father had a bark that was always bigger than his bite and he loved to put you on punishment, Americans called it “grounding “.

Our home was the hub of laughter, guidance, plenty food and sometimes tough love. My dad was strict and straightforward, never one to sugarcoat. He was a provider, an entertainer, and a protector. He had a way of “seeing things,” of speaking truths into existence that only made sense later. Everyone adored my father AKA Papa.

As his daughter, I experienced a different side of him. Growing up, we clashed often. His words were sharp, his expectations high, and I didn’t always understand him. There were times I was so angry I could barely speak to him for weeks. But as I grew older, I began to understand. My father parented the way he had been taught or not taught. He did the best he could with what he knew.

For all the challenges, my father loved deeply. He adored his grandchildren, and I never questioned their safety when they were in his care. He took care of us, of them, of everyone around him.

I remember the night I got the call. It was 10:20 p.m., and I knew something wasn’t right. I was afraid to answer the phone. After I hung up the phone I called the nursing station at the hospital and the nurse who answered confirmed what I had feared. My first thought was, How will I tell my children? He was their everything.

As we quickly approach three years without him, the pain feels surreal. Holidays and family gatherings feel incomplete. His voice, his energy, his dancing, his boil corn and his jokes are missing. Yet, I see him every day in his grandchildren, especially my middle child. So much of Papa lives on in them.

For Those Who Are Grieving

To anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, I want you to know that you are not alone. Grief is heavy, and there is never a right or wrong way to carry it. Some days, it feels like the weight is too much to bear, but I encourage you to take it one moment, one step at a time.

Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God sees your pain, your tears, and your longing for the person you have lost. You don’t have to hide your feelings from Him.

Isaiah 41:10 encourages us: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” When the nights are long and the memories overwhelm you, lean into God’s promise to sustain you.

Know that it is okay to cry, to laugh, and to remember. It’s okay to feel joy again, even as you hold space for the loved one you have lost. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, it means finding a way to carry the love forward.

As we step into this new year, my prayer for all of us who are grieving is that we find peace in the midst of our pain. That we hold on to the memories that bring joy and let go of the guilt that weighs us down.

God is with you. He is with me. And together, we will endure this journey.

Here are some resources that can offer guidance and comfort during this time:

1. GriefShare

• A network of grief recovery support groups to help you navigate the loss of loved ones.

• Website: www.griefshare.org

2. The Dougy Center

• Specialized in supporting children, teens, and families experiencing grief.

• Website: www.dougy.org

3. Crisis Text Line

• Free, 24/7 support for anyone in crisis. Simply text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained counselor.

• Website: www.crisistextline.org

4. National Alliance for Grieving Children (NAGC)

• Provides resources and community support for children and families coping with loss.

• Website: www.childrengrieve.org

5. Option B

• A resource for building resilience and finding community after loss, co-created by Sheryl Sandberg.

• Website: www.optionb.org

Take your time, seek out what works best for you, and allow yourself to feel. Healing does not mean forgetting, it means learning to live fully while carrying the love of those we have lost. Selah