Facing Our Journey

Losing a mother or feeling her absence is one of life’s most profound challenges. It’s a journey I know intimately, and one that I believe some of you might relate to. Whether your mother has transitioned or remains physically present but emotionally distant, the loss leaves a void that often feels impossible to fill.

Recently, I came across an article and video that deeply resonated with me. The author explored the expectations we place on our mothers —expectations that can sometimes be unrealistic, shaped by our own ideals of what a mother “should” be. One story stood out to me. It was about a daughter who struggled with resentment toward her mother, whom she felt behaved more like a friend than a traditional maternal figure.

In response, the educator leading the discussion shared a profound truth: our mothers were women before they became our mothers. They were once teenagers, children, and individuals shaped by their own experiences. These experiences, whether good or bad, shaped their identity and their character.

Some mothers, who may not have experienced love and guidance growing up, strive to give their children everything they never had. This can sometimes feel overbearing. Others may feel distant, unable to give what they never received themselves. As children, we often lack the capacity to understand this. We see our mothers through the lens of our own needs and desires, not fully grasping their humanity or their journey.

In this video, the educator offered two paths for healing: learning to self-mother or embracing the mothering offered by other women around us. This suggestion sat on my chest heavily and it is why I chose to write this piece.

For me, the loss of my mother was PROFOUND. My mother was loving and generous, not just to her biological children but to all who came into her life. She even embraced a child birthed outside of her marriage as her own. That kind of love is rare and irreplaceable. Watching her battle bone cancer for three years and spending time, and holding her hands in her final days was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I literally prayed about removing the visuals of trauma I experienced during that time. Her absence has left a gap that nothing and no one has been able to fill.

I have tried to find that sense of mothering in other women—mentors, spiritual figures, even friends—but I have never truly found it. And I have often asked God, “Why?” Why couldn’t I have another mother figure in my life? Why does this void remain so present? I still don’t have the answer.

What I do know is that I am not alone in this journey, and neither are you. If you’re struggling to fill the void your mother left, whether through her passing or her absence, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. This is a tough path to walk, but you do not have to walk it in silence.

For those of us who have not found another to fill that role, perhaps it’s a reminder to lean into the healing process, to trust God’s plan for your life, and to find peace in our memories and our own growth. As difficult as it is, I have learned to pour the mothering I long for into others. Ironically, what I give is also what I desire most. Make That Make Sense.

Healing from the loss of a mother is not linear, and it’s certainly not easy. But I want to leave you with this encouragement: allow yourself grace. Allow yourself to grieve. And when the time feels right, lean into scriptures or affirmations that bring you comfort. Here are a few I hold onto during moments of reflection:

* Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

* Isaiah 66:13 – “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.”

* Matthew 11:28 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. And though the void may remain, healing is possible; one Step, one Memory, one Prayer at a time.